I am lonely.
More accurate, I am lonely living aboard.
Loneliness is always my mate, living right next to me, staying beside me for long since I was small. It hurts me sometimes in the past but no longer affects my life at all, at present, since I've learnt to accept and welcome it, as an irreplaceable aspect of life. There is no such feeling like happy or sad when being lonely as it becomes a normal mood. I have a supportive family, sympathetic friends, an enthralling lover and quite many interests to inspire me to live. It is a full life actually. You can ask why do I need to be lonely? Okay, loneliness here doesn't mean I have no one with me but no feeling living here. Overseas.
I have been going aboard for nearly 4 years and it is quite a tough time. The aboard life is just fine, I can adapt to a new living environment not so well, but not so bad either. Of course I have some certain difficulties at first but things are all fine after early periods of time, I overcome all of those. The longer I live here, the better I feel 'cos I have my 100% freedom without parents' surveillance. I learn to live on my own and decide my life, it is a great experience ever! I learn to make foreign friends and make money as well as make fun to enjoy the life. After all, it is my luck to go study aboard, and become a man out of boy.
However, last few days when I was going in the middle of the street, I just felt deeply lonely, just like no one were besides or all were strangers. I just realize I don't belong to this society, this city, or this place. No matter how much I try to love it, this society isn't mine. Again, I must make you right that the problem doesn't come from the feeling of having no one stay with. I just realize everything is somehow unreal. People I know, the freedom, the life... everything is not real. Don't know why.
Vietnam, honestly, is not a good country to live. Vietnamese society and people has too many vices and bad sides which can kill brutally my love for it. I hate many Vietnamese stupid cultures and bad people. I hate Vietnamese government polices. I hate the uncivilized condition of its either people and society. I hate many many things belong to Vietnam. However, I am a Vietnamese. My roots is Vietnamese. If someone ask me whether I feel proud of being a Vietnamese, I will NOT say YES immediately. I will suggest the question to be clearer, "proud for which extent?" For some certain extents, I really feel happy to be a Vietnamese and vice versa. Still, I know many Vietnamese fuckin' people refuse their roots when being asked "where are you from?". In stead of answering "Vietnamese" they lie other nationalities. Okay, maybe I'm not fully proud of being a Vietnamese but I never refuse being a Vietnamese. Never hide my roots.
I can see negatively toward Vietnam country but I prefer living in my native land, Hanoi, to elsewhere. Hanoi is a true place where I belong to and I am a true Hanoian. Maybe I am not fully proud of being a Vietnamese but I am really really proud of being a Hanoian because Hanoi is the best city of Vietnam no matter what others say! I think the feeling of loneliness I'm having at the moment essentially results in the fact that I cannot belong to elsewhere but Hanoi. When you feel you cannot live truly happy in a place---or the place you're living in isn't meant for you---the best you should do is to go back to where you come from. So yeah, I'm coming back where I come from, Hanoi. Next year. But...
In order to be able to come back, I must graduate soon from university and try to earn some bucks which enable me to be affordable for the life there. Actually I am getting stuck on my study and work here at the moment. Feeling a little disappointed... My study is quite tedious and killing my inspiration. My work is procrastinated endlessly. However, if I wanna back ASAP, I must finish the goddamn study quickly, no other way... To be honest, I'm never a studious student since I have no inspiration for studying, but if it is for the dream of coming back my home, there is no place for such thing like want or don't want, just do it! I think it will be the first time in my life I devote time and effort for study. Maybe I will study my ass off and kill all my free time to read read read, just like a bookworm and soon become a dull... Okay, let me explain or else you think of me as a lazyass. I hate school and academic environment! I prefer self-researching and self-studying. It is my strength to self-study and I have penchant to follow my own interests more effectively rather than being forced to study something. I have my own ways to collect and accumulate knowledge and living experiences. Everyday, I learn myself something new from the Internet and society and people. Everyday, I keep myself gaining something which makes me gradually a good person. It is my way to learn. I don't really think some subjects I'm dying into at school are quite necessary for my future but okay let don't talk about it, it's education, hell... Anyway, I hate studying, and the best way to get out of it is to finish it. So yeah! Kill it soon and concentrate on working for a short time before coming back. My plan is set!
I'm 22 years old at the present. Never before do I crave for a stable life in which I can live freely to promote my career. Yes, I'm in the gateway to my career and it's urgent time to concentrate on advancing required skills and abilities or else I become a loser. Everything I wish for at the present is the time pushes quickly for next 3 years, when I would be 25 and maybe having my own family! Yes, I'm serious when talking about my-own-family.
I have been lonely quite enough and now I just wanna say bye bye to that old mate. Since I realize family is the most important thing in life, I just look forward to having it. A man really needs a family as a solid foundation for him to single-eyedly develop his career! I am fed up with having lonely meals daily. I am worn out getting home just to enjoy the completely lonesomeness because home is meant as just me and me here. I am weary of doing things alone. Never before do I wish for having my own home sweet home where has my lady and babies laughing. Never before I yearn for a stable life. Oh gosh, you can make fun of me because as you might think; I'm just 22 and it's quite early to think of my own family but it's the truth! My mindset has changed inversely, I used to plan to have a family at about 30, but now I think I cannot wait that long! I need a company to walk with me in the long road ahead. Family---includes its all members---is the best company I can find!
Hanoi is the place I make my dream come true. Hanoi is where I belong and family is what makes my life. It's it!
So yeah, try hard to achieve the dream! C'mon, myself!
0240 PM
300909
More accurate, I am lonely living aboard.
Loneliness is always my mate, living right next to me, staying beside me for long since I was small. It hurts me sometimes in the past but no longer affects my life at all, at present, since I've learnt to accept and welcome it, as an irreplaceable aspect of life. There is no such feeling like happy or sad when being lonely as it becomes a normal mood. I have a supportive family, sympathetic friends, an enthralling lover and quite many interests to inspire me to live. It is a full life actually. You can ask why do I need to be lonely? Okay, loneliness here doesn't mean I have no one with me but no feeling living here. Overseas.
I have been going aboard for nearly 4 years and it is quite a tough time. The aboard life is just fine, I can adapt to a new living environment not so well, but not so bad either. Of course I have some certain difficulties at first but things are all fine after early periods of time, I overcome all of those. The longer I live here, the better I feel 'cos I have my 100% freedom without parents' surveillance. I learn to live on my own and decide my life, it is a great experience ever! I learn to make foreign friends and make money as well as make fun to enjoy the life. After all, it is my luck to go study aboard, and become a man out of boy.
However, last few days when I was going in the middle of the street, I just felt deeply lonely, just like no one were besides or all were strangers. I just realize I don't belong to this society, this city, or this place. No matter how much I try to love it, this society isn't mine. Again, I must make you right that the problem doesn't come from the feeling of having no one stay with. I just realize everything is somehow unreal. People I know, the freedom, the life... everything is not real. Don't know why.
Vietnam, honestly, is not a good country to live. Vietnamese society and people has too many vices and bad sides which can kill brutally my love for it. I hate many Vietnamese stupid cultures and bad people. I hate Vietnamese government polices. I hate the uncivilized condition of its either people and society. I hate many many things belong to Vietnam. However, I am a Vietnamese. My roots is Vietnamese. If someone ask me whether I feel proud of being a Vietnamese, I will NOT say YES immediately. I will suggest the question to be clearer, "proud for which extent?" For some certain extents, I really feel happy to be a Vietnamese and vice versa. Still, I know many Vietnamese fuckin' people refuse their roots when being asked "where are you from?". In stead of answering "Vietnamese" they lie other nationalities. Okay, maybe I'm not fully proud of being a Vietnamese but I never refuse being a Vietnamese. Never hide my roots.
I can see negatively toward Vietnam country but I prefer living in my native land, Hanoi, to elsewhere. Hanoi is a true place where I belong to and I am a true Hanoian. Maybe I am not fully proud of being a Vietnamese but I am really really proud of being a Hanoian because Hanoi is the best city of Vietnam no matter what others say! I think the feeling of loneliness I'm having at the moment essentially results in the fact that I cannot belong to elsewhere but Hanoi. When you feel you cannot live truly happy in a place---or the place you're living in isn't meant for you---the best you should do is to go back to where you come from. So yeah, I'm coming back where I come from, Hanoi. Next year. But...
In order to be able to come back, I must graduate soon from university and try to earn some bucks which enable me to be affordable for the life there. Actually I am getting stuck on my study and work here at the moment. Feeling a little disappointed... My study is quite tedious and killing my inspiration. My work is procrastinated endlessly. However, if I wanna back ASAP, I must finish the goddamn study quickly, no other way... To be honest, I'm never a studious student since I have no inspiration for studying, but if it is for the dream of coming back my home, there is no place for such thing like want or don't want, just do it! I think it will be the first time in my life I devote time and effort for study. Maybe I will study my ass off and kill all my free time to read read read, just like a bookworm and soon become a dull... Okay, let me explain or else you think of me as a lazyass. I hate school and academic environment! I prefer self-researching and self-studying. It is my strength to self-study and I have penchant to follow my own interests more effectively rather than being forced to study something. I have my own ways to collect and accumulate knowledge and living experiences. Everyday, I learn myself something new from the Internet and society and people. Everyday, I keep myself gaining something which makes me gradually a good person. It is my way to learn. I don't really think some subjects I'm dying into at school are quite necessary for my future but okay let don't talk about it, it's education, hell... Anyway, I hate studying, and the best way to get out of it is to finish it. So yeah! Kill it soon and concentrate on working for a short time before coming back. My plan is set!
I'm 22 years old at the present. Never before do I crave for a stable life in which I can live freely to promote my career. Yes, I'm in the gateway to my career and it's urgent time to concentrate on advancing required skills and abilities or else I become a loser. Everything I wish for at the present is the time pushes quickly for next 3 years, when I would be 25 and maybe having my own family! Yes, I'm serious when talking about my-own-family.
I have been lonely quite enough and now I just wanna say bye bye to that old mate. Since I realize family is the most important thing in life, I just look forward to having it. A man really needs a family as a solid foundation for him to single-eyedly develop his career! I am fed up with having lonely meals daily. I am worn out getting home just to enjoy the completely lonesomeness because home is meant as just me and me here. I am weary of doing things alone. Never before do I wish for having my own home sweet home where has my lady and babies laughing. Never before I yearn for a stable life. Oh gosh, you can make fun of me because as you might think; I'm just 22 and it's quite early to think of my own family but it's the truth! My mindset has changed inversely, I used to plan to have a family at about 30, but now I think I cannot wait that long! I need a company to walk with me in the long road ahead. Family---includes its all members---is the best company I can find!
Hanoi is the place I make my dream come true. Hanoi is where I belong and family is what makes my life. It's it!
So yeah, try hard to achieve the dream! C'mon, myself!
0240 PM
300909
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